The Stages of Life

The following is a general time-table for stages that we all seem to go through. The better we understand the natural process of life, the better our chances of dealing constructively with life's little bumps. Try to determine the needs and wants of each stage in order to speculate the motivation (tension) behind the actions.

0-3: Basic survival. We eat, drink, sleep, absorb information, and are completely dependant on others. We are very impressionable in our first three years. Our brains are processing input, be it positive or negative. Research has suggested that children that did not receive love and affection at this age are much less likley to find happiness later in life. They are often unable to express love and affection as adults. They are less likely to develop a conscience and they tend to commit more violent crimes as adults.

4-6: Discovery period. We learn that we have needs and wants. We learn that siblings can interfere with our wants. Our creativity and emotions dominate over logic and rationality.

7-10: Schooling begins. We learn to read and write but now our creativity and emotions must be kept under tighter control. We discover friends and start to discover ourselves.

11-13: Mental and physical changes begin. By now, we have learned that we should keep our emotions under control, and creativity is all but dropped from most education programs. We notice the opposite sex and changes in ourselves. We begin to want our independence.

14-18: Our teen years. We are searching for our identity while battling acne, parents, siblings, friends, school, and puberty. These could be the easiest years of our lives but for many individuals, they are the toughest. Some start dating, most of us still fear the opposite sex. At times life seems unfair and against us. We are still young but struggling to be grown up and treated like an adult.

19-25: The real world. We leave home and either go to college (a 5 year educational playground before the real world), or get a job and possibly start a family. Real responsibility begins and we finally find out what it's like to run our own lives. By age 25, most of our values and thinking patterns are established. It takes great effort to change ourselves after this stage. For men, the sexual peak is passing but the instinctive drive still causes bad decision-making on occasion.

26-30: Still young but aging. We begin to realize we are not immortal and we can not abuse our bodies like we used to. Many of us have married and started a family by now. We can get caught up in the struggle to make ends meet and forget the importance of living. We still want to accomplish great things but time seems to be slipping away. Remember to enjoy life while you are still young and do not think that things will get better after you have made more money. Live life now while you still have youth, energy, health and lots of enthusiasm. When you get old and "rich" you likely won't have as much of these youthful qualities. Hopefully you will have wisdom and peace of mind after youth has left you. (:

31-35: Identity is established. By now we know who we are and what we want. How to get it may not yet be determined. Most of us have experienced the death of a loved one and perhaps drawn closer to family. Women that have not had children may fear that their time for having kids is running out.

36-40: Maturity sets in. Many of us are loaded with responsibilities by this age. We might have many debts and not enough income to do all we want. We start thinking about saving for retirement. Most of us have experienced some kind of tramatic illness or pain by now. Setting goals and planning for the future take on new meaning.

41-50: Mid-life dilemas. We may find ourselves looking back on our lives with disappointment that we didn't accomplish more. We are still young enough to accomplish our goals and dreams but we have to act now. Our kids are going through their teens and moving out. The house starts to gets bigger and emptier. We start worrying about our health and may start exercising more.

51-60: Nearing retirement. The final years of working are getting closer. Financial concerns and health problems dominate much of our worries. We may have to deal with the death of one or both parents. The kids have gone and started their own families. Many of us move into new residences that fit a family without children. Grandchildren become idols to adore and spoil. We begin to give back to society.

61-70: Retirement starts. We've finally made it! No more work, only rest and relaxation. Why then after a year or so of R&R do we often feel bored and non-productive? Because for many of us we've reached our goal of just getting here. Our health may also be stopping us from enjoying our time off. We must set new goals to accomplish, just the same as any time in life when we reach our highest goals. Strive for the next level, don't just relish in past glory. Life's a journey, not a destination. Make it a fun journey because the destination is merely the end.

71-80: Continuing retirement. If we haven't started planning for our deaths by now, this is the time. We spend more and more time reflecting on the past, partly because these memories are the strongest. If our health is good, the seventies can be very rewarding due to the amount of wisdom we have aquired. This wisdom needs to find an outlet so that others may benefit.

81-90: Nearing death. For almost all of us, death is a very scary thing. We fear the unknown and death is probably the least known thing about the human experience. But it is part of the human experience and without it, life as we know it, would not exist! It's like a big physics equation that states that the amount of energy going into a system must equal the amount of energy leaving the system. For new life to enter, some must go elsewhere. Death is probably harder on the survivors than the person dying. By this age, death can actually be a welcome event, especially if our mental or physical health is poor. In a sense, life could become a curse if death did not occur when our bodies deteriorate.

91-100: More people are living to the grand old age of 100 and many do so because they were good to their bodies and good to their souls. With medical advances and better nutrition information these days, more of us will be able to enjoy our nineties. So start taking better care of yourself and keep setting new goals so that life is worth living.

TWO DAYS WITH TINA

Tina was a young girl around 15 or 16 years old. At least that's what we heard from her mouth and from how she looks I believe her. Her mother told us that she does not know exactly the age of this daughter of her, but as long as she remembers she's not yet 20.

We decided to keep her for two days with us for some reasons:
1. Happy saved her from some men on the street.
2. It seems she was either in depression or mental dissorder situation, or simply a victim of domestic violence.
3. We didn't get clear information from her about her family, when she has left home, and where she was going.

So what you are going to read here is our experience two-day with Tina: Saturday-Sunday (4-5October 2008).
We took her along with us on our weekend trip. It was a combination of duty trip and week end for us.
At first we had so much fun with her singing along the trip. But it slowly turned to become stressfull situation for us. First, she peed with her pants. She had tied her pants too tight (dengan simpul mati) that nether she nor we can untie it. Second, she was just tirelessly and unstoppably singing with her loud and unmelodious voice (hahaha)along the way. When we asked her to stop, she would say yes, but would start singing again in less than 10s....

We were on our trip to GOMO, sending off our students for their three-months field study (PPL). I made some observations about her.
1. I noticed that Tina always tried to attract the male students by singing louder and dancing "goyang dangdut" whenever there is male student around. I can tell that she knows and have experienced sex and is sexually active... Poor Tina!

(Guess what, Tina had dangdut performance in teh village; down at the river. We decided to go swimming while waiting for the late lunch to be served. And while were swimming, Tina made a dangdut performance in the SUSUA river. The people got free entertainment, and Tina too was happy to be the centre of attention.)

We stayed over night in Teluk Dalam, at HARUS DAMAI hotel. A simple hotel facing the lagundri beach. uffff dear, Tina kept us awake that night! Especially Happy and I.Putri. She was shouting, crying, and wanted to run away at one point and kill herself at other point, and then threatening happy for unclear reasons, calling happy with different name.

The depression was back!
I understood only a litle because she was speaking in bahasa Nias. From I. Putri I understood that she wanted to run away or kill herself because she was afraid that we were planning bad against her, planning to sell her to some men... (ohh dear, another story needs to be discovered! I am really sorry Tina, you must have gone through some traumatic experiences. I am really sorry that we couldn't do much for you).

the next day, we lost her! At least, we thought we have lost her. I saw her walking along the beach while I had my morning swimming. The wave was too rough for her to be able to hear me calling her. When i turned my head, she was already gone!
But she came back just in time, when we had our breakfast, ready to move. So we came back to gunungsitoli with her.

On our way back, we discovered that Tina has stolen one hotel's cap!! (Haha..... you can imagine what the hotel must have thought of us. i often stay at that hotel, so the hotel staff know me personally). But of course you cannot get angry. Instead, I tried to speak with soft voice to her, telling that what she did was not right, and asked her to promise not to do it again. (she said yes,yes, yes, but only in half day, we discovered that everytime we did not watch her, she tried to steal something from our bags, or at least Happy's bag).

By that time,we already had some info about her and a number of people claimed to know her personally and promised to bring us to her home. So by the end of the second day for me, or third day for Happy, we brought Tina back to her family, to her parents.

A small hut with soil ground. There her parents and younger brother and sisters
live. We brought Tina home. We left Tina some money, and asked her mother to take care of her. There we learned that Tina is married with one sone, a two-year old little boy who is now being taken care of by his father, Tinas husband.

The house was suddenly so crowded with people. Tina's return has become a big story in the village. From the whispering and their eyes, I understand that the people were curious and wanted to see whether we were just normal people like them or not. It was just hard to believe that we brought home in good shape a gilr considered caezy or mentally sick by the people.

That part is really sad!

So we left Tina's house half relieved and half feeling lost!
But honestly, it was just another experience for us!
Thanks Tina for the opportunity to experience that.