BEER NO SELL: Lesson from Chiangmai, Thailand

It was Friday, December 5. 2008. The King Bhumibol’s Birthday.
It was shortly after lunch when I wanted to have some singha, Thailand local beer. So I went to the a supermarket near to the place where we were staying, the Crystal Spring House, owned by Payap University, Chiangmay.

I was happy to see singha, in both cans and bottles, were on the display. So immediately I took couples of bottles and brought to the cashier. “Thanks goodness, there was nobody in the line” I said to myself.

But, what happened was, the cashier waved his hand, and told me something in Thai. (nothing surprising about this since I can be a Thai in Thailand, a Filipina in the Philipines, or a Malaysian in Malaysia, or Singaporean in Singapore or… you can make the list longer…). Anyway, it took us sometimes to understand be able to communicate. Finally he understood that I am not a Thai. So he simply said: BEER NO SELL. (This I easily understood what he’s trying to say because I have visited Thailand for quite a view times).

“Why?” I asked.
“Beer no sell” was again his answer.
“But you have it in the display???” I tried to argue
“Beer no sell, police!”
“Why” I simply repeated it. I thought with this language barrier I couldn’t ask him long question.
“beer no sell, today” was his answer.
“Really? Okay…., sorry” I guess I had no chance.
“solly, thank you…” He was trying to be kind, still.

So I left, more puzzled than disappointed.

Driven by curiosity, I tried to find somebody to explain to me.

Later in the day, I brought the issue to Beng Seng and Hope, friends, a couple who happened to be staying in CHiangmai as they are working for CCA.

From them I learned that in Thailand, alcoholic drinks are easy to find in the market, sold for free, is legal. But the law strictly prohibits selling and buying alcoholic drinks during working hours. And the people are very observant, that’s why I found my singha on the display but could not the cashier refused to sell it to me because it was working hr. The idea is not to encourage people from taking alcohol during working hours. The law also restricts person under 18 to buy an alcoholic drink.

Wow… although I have been traveling back and forth to Thailand since 2000, only now I realized the legal system in the country regarding alcoholic drinks. And I was so impressed by it.

My mind was immediately flew back to my home country.
In Indonesia, alcoholic drinks are rated in different categories, and not just any store is permited to sell it except the lowest category only (bearing alcohol less than 12%??). Sounds good too, ha?
But there is no restriction of time and age. So you can easily find people are buying alcoholic drinks during working hours and get drunk… including those under 18!

This is not to mention how bad the law enforcement on this issue: It is not surprising to find teenagers buying alcoholic drinks, and the seller will never say no, but just sell it to them.

In the name of protecting the moral lives of the people, alcoholic drinks are sold at hight price due to high tax. But as law enforcement is so bad, as a result, black market on alcoholic drinks is mushrooming.

Then, in the name of religion, many hardline groups often seem to be more powerful than the police, they can anytime destroy your store and even your private house, once they do sweeping and find one in your store/house. This of course should be considered violent crime, but what do you say, this is Indonesia Bung! Semua bisa diatur!

Solo is the place where such incidence often takes place. I hope jogja is still sterilized from such stupid, short minded, action.

Nias, 19 December 2008

TWO DAYS WITH TINA

Tina was a young girl around 15 or 16 years old. At least that's what we heard from her mouth and from how she looks I believe her. Her mother told us that she does not know exactly the age of this daughter of her, but as long as she remembers she's not yet 20.

We decided to keep her for two days with us for some reasons:
1. Happy saved her from some men on the street.
2. It seems she was either in depression or mental dissorder situation, or simply a victim of domestic violence.
3. We didn't get clear information from her about her family, when she has left home, and where she was going.

So what you are going to read here is our experience two-day with Tina: Saturday-Sunday (4-5October 2008).
We took her along with us on our weekend trip. It was a combination of duty trip and week end for us.
At first we had so much fun with her singing along the trip. But it slowly turned to become stressfull situation for us. First, she peed with her pants. She had tied her pants too tight (dengan simpul mati) that nether she nor we can untie it. Second, she was just tirelessly and unstoppably singing with her loud and unmelodious voice (hahaha)along the way. When we asked her to stop, she would say yes, but would start singing again in less than 10s....

We were on our trip to GOMO, sending off our students for their three-months field study (PPL). I made some observations about her.
1. I noticed that Tina always tried to attract the male students by singing louder and dancing "goyang dangdut" whenever there is male student around. I can tell that she knows and have experienced sex and is sexually active... Poor Tina!

(Guess what, Tina had dangdut performance in teh village; down at the river. We decided to go swimming while waiting for the late lunch to be served. And while were swimming, Tina made a dangdut performance in the SUSUA river. The people got free entertainment, and Tina too was happy to be the centre of attention.)

We stayed over night in Teluk Dalam, at HARUS DAMAI hotel. A simple hotel facing the lagundri beach. uffff dear, Tina kept us awake that night! Especially Happy and I.Putri. She was shouting, crying, and wanted to run away at one point and kill herself at other point, and then threatening happy for unclear reasons, calling happy with different name.

The depression was back!
I understood only a litle because she was speaking in bahasa Nias. From I. Putri I understood that she wanted to run away or kill herself because she was afraid that we were planning bad against her, planning to sell her to some men... (ohh dear, another story needs to be discovered! I am really sorry Tina, you must have gone through some traumatic experiences. I am really sorry that we couldn't do much for you).

the next day, we lost her! At least, we thought we have lost her. I saw her walking along the beach while I had my morning swimming. The wave was too rough for her to be able to hear me calling her. When i turned my head, she was already gone!
But she came back just in time, when we had our breakfast, ready to move. So we came back to gunungsitoli with her.

On our way back, we discovered that Tina has stolen one hotel's cap!! (Haha..... you can imagine what the hotel must have thought of us. i often stay at that hotel, so the hotel staff know me personally). But of course you cannot get angry. Instead, I tried to speak with soft voice to her, telling that what she did was not right, and asked her to promise not to do it again. (she said yes,yes, yes, but only in half day, we discovered that everytime we did not watch her, she tried to steal something from our bags, or at least Happy's bag).

By that time,we already had some info about her and a number of people claimed to know her personally and promised to bring us to her home. So by the end of the second day for me, or third day for Happy, we brought Tina back to her family, to her parents.

A small hut with soil ground. There her parents and younger brother and sisters
live. We brought Tina home. We left Tina some money, and asked her mother to take care of her. There we learned that Tina is married with one sone, a two-year old little boy who is now being taken care of by his father, Tinas husband.

The house was suddenly so crowded with people. Tina's return has become a big story in the village. From the whispering and their eyes, I understand that the people were curious and wanted to see whether we were just normal people like them or not. It was just hard to believe that we brought home in good shape a gilr considered caezy or mentally sick by the people.

That part is really sad!

So we left Tina's house half relieved and half feeling lost!
But honestly, it was just another experience for us!
Thanks Tina for the opportunity to experience that.

Good Mother

"Do you think you will be a good mother?"
Hm, what a question....
But somebody may pose this question to you girl! My good friend once asked me this question....

Will I not be a good mother only because once I decided not to have children? Or because I from time to time tell you that I can't have children around for more than two hours or so? Or what...?

Of course I will be a good m other if ever I have the chance or decide to be one!!

Motherhood for me is a gift, special gift for EVERY woman. This means, every woman potencially is a good mother for her children and even children all over the world. But whether a woman likes to become a mother or not is a different story. It is call right!

Yes, my dear sisters....it is your right to decide as whether you like to become a mother or not, mother of your own (biological) children or OF other people's children!

But SOMEBODY QUESTIONS YOU as whether or not you will be a good mother? wait a minute...Unless the world defines it differently, then it is my belief that every woman is potencially a good mother. Somebody may challenge you by askling you as what you will say that everyday we read in the newspaper that a mother has abused her own children, or that a mother has abandoned her baby....

My response: if a mother ever comes to a decision as to abandone her own child this means she has reached a state where she can no longer carry the heavy burden and tension and pressure the male-dominated world is continously pushing over her...

I invite you to try to look at it closer! Then I believe you will look at it differently...

What do you think? Post you comments please...

A Friend

What is a friend for you?

A friend for me is somebody whom I trust fully, to whom I can open up myself, share my laughter and my tears too, share stories and seek for advise, who can challenge my opinions freely but also support me whenever I need her/him. But that definition only is not enough, because s/he should also equally have the same definition with you. Means, s/he should also regards me the same way I regards her/him. S/he will make me sombody whom s/he can share her laughters, tears, seek for advice, let me challenge her/him and provide her/him my full support whenever s/he needs me. Friends are equal in giving and receiving... Friends are equal to each other...

Why I am writing about this simple topic? Hmm.... long story. But to keep it short, so far, I thought I had many friends all over the world. I kept telling myself that. The truth is I have been lying to myself. No, if I have to use the definition above, then I have to come to conclusion that there are very few...

I think am in crisis now: on the one hand I find myself constantly withdrawing myself from my old circumtance where I was the centre of attention, where everybody seemed to be a friend to me. I often try to find an excuse not to meet them and be bothered with "many simple, boring issues" (I am sorry, but this is my honest feeling). At first I felt guilty, really. I feel like avoiding them and becoming very selfish. But I can't resist to this inner force "I need to be left alone" or "I am bored to be somebody to always be listened to, or be sought after for my opinion".. Stop it! I am sorry my friends.... But I just want to be honest, first with myself, and then with you too.

Now, I think I must say that I have never been good friend for you. I was only either good, kind, understanding, caring boss or somebody who felt responsible for other people's lives. And now I am tired of that role! I am tired to be somebody who had the last words; tired to be somebody who always appeared to be strong. No, I too am just human being like you: weak, boresome, having lots of problems too (sometimes even heavier than that of yours). I need somebody to challenge me too.

But on the other hand, I find myself from time to time, so lonely. This feeling is coming and going (like the spinal problem I have hehe...). I started having it when I saw how my mum was struggling with her sickness... Suddenly a lonely feeling struck me. I feel soooo sad to realize that I have very few people whom I can call real friends as such; somebody who stands equal to me! Whom I miss her/his company whenever I am feeling alone.

It was already surprising to me to find that I actually have only very few names from the long list. More surprising is to find that among these few, more are foreigners who live far away in the Philippines, Germany, Switzerland (curse me for this this, but again, I am just trying to be honest)...

Now I am writing for this special person, one among these few:
If you read this, I hope you understand as why I raise this issue that evening; why I came to that fear. A fear to later discover that it was only an illusion to call you as friend as such. For you are only a nice, kind, caring boss... everything that takes place between the two of us is simply derived from that patern: kind, nice-responsible and sensible boss to his employee. But I think it wasn't only from that background that brought me to come to that conclusion but also to some conditions where it is only me who opens up my -self to you. It is an unequal relationship where I only take and never give and you only give and never take. History is repeating in itself.... That is my biggest fear. But you dissagreed with me....

So this is my struggle right now. For anybody who reads this. I hope this short writing can help you too to clarify who your friends are after all, or as whether you are a good friend for these people or not. But please be free too to write your comments. Your opinions and challenges are most welcome here.

Welcome to my small yard.

A picture of one night life on Nias

Last night I came home late (or early?) o1.o1 wet expected as I rod my botorbike under the rain.

It was a farewell party of 2 german friends who ended their contract on Nias.

At first I decided not to be at the party but rather had a real talk before they leave for good. That's the reasons why i was there at 4 pm (and the party would start on at 21. hrs or so). Here are some stories i would like to share with you here. Just to give you a piece of a picture about life on Nias nowadays....

I had 4 hrs uninterrupted story of this friend of mine's depression, frustration, but also pride for the whole struggle he had been through. Started from the corruption case of Muzöi which really a big mess that he had to fire many of so-called good friends of his (only now I heard the complete story) to his frustration in dealing with ADB in their project in Nisel, to his frustration with UNHCR, the Bupati and the Military…, some classic stories about the UN agencies and their structures and (the behaviors) of their staff, but also his frustration with the internal structure of his organization (for ethical reason I won't put the name of his organization). Also his struggle he had with his predeccesor... (but it was good to hear that they are now in a very good relationship, good friendship). It would be sad for me because i know them both well..

And he started smoking whit, marijuana …. He offered me of course, and well, thanks god/dess, i am very good in mastering my will. I have quit from smoking any smoking (cigarrete, cigar, cigarrillos, or this m... which I only had once in Aceh).


But in the end I agreed to stay for some times for the party.
And then the party started at 21.30 or so. It was where:
- expats could release all their stress over the work through drinking, smoking, dancing, non-sense talks
- the tensions between bules and local staff is loosened a bit as they shared the floor and sometimes drinks from the same bottles, no more boss and staff...
- You can release your stress by flirting with either other expats or local staff and probably have some long night or probably even longer relationship (like some mixed-couples who were there at the party)
- immediately you realized, a big change has taken place on this island: you see these young women, some of them are Niasan, enjoying themselves on the floor: dancing while smoking and drinking at the same time, yelling.... I have mixed feelings here over these women… I know it was a taste of freedom they had never imagined before, it was a good experience for them, but at the same time it was not a good way of learning about what freedom is. But none to blem of course. I hope they know what they are doing, and not just imitating these foreigners…

At first I planned to leave soon the party started, but instead I stayed until mid-night. L.. kept asking me to stay little longer whener he sawwanted to give a farewel hug. And he asked me to dance with him with his two sticks under his armpits…(he got accident on his right toe that he needs these two sticks to helm him moving)

Then I know he was already hanging over a bit… he had the whit, and some rums, and I don’t know how many bottles of big bintang. He started talking like a drunk man would: asking my affirmation as whether he deserve to be proud with his work in Hiligawoni or not.

I managed to have two bintangs only, and had some sips from his bottle whenever he asked me to take another bottle in company for him.

I left mid night before I really got drunk (because I had to drive motorbike under the rain…)

The party continued till morning when (usually people started to vommit due to too much drinking).

Just a piece of picture... But promised, i will give more pictures whenever I can. this will also help me to have a rather comprehensive picture of what Nias becoming today and in the future.... But it also give me another picture of NGOs and people...